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10 Idiotic Smart Gadgets That Nobody Asked For

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There’s a difference between smart devices and idiotic smart gadgets, isn’t there?

There’s no doubt that the Internet of Things (IoT) has changed our daily lives in ways we didn’t think possible. And while some of these smart devices have improved our quality of life and work, others are banal gadgets trying to solve problems we don’t even have.

If you’re looking to buy some IoT devices you don’t need, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Below are 10 of the most bizarre smart gadgets that nobody asked for.

Egg minder

If looking at the expiration date on your carton of eggs, or the old putting-them-in-water trick (if they float, they’re bad) seems like too much for you, then you need an egg minder. This smart egg tray comes with a built-in WiFi chip so you can connect it to a smartphone app. Via the app, you receive all your egg’s essential “analytics.” Which is just two analytics, really — how many there are left and when they’re about to go bad.

Smart utensils

If you like keeping your food connected to WiFi, then you’ll love smart forks. Yes, you can connect a fork to the Internet, but to do what, exactly? Lose weight, of course. The HAPIfork tracks how quickly you eat, because eating more slowly is healthier for you. While it is better to slow down when you eat, do you really need hard data on it?

Smart toilet

Do you ever sit on your toilet and think to yourself, “Man, I wish had some ambient colored lighting right now”? No, neither do we! But Kohler made it happen anyway, with the Numi 2.0 smart toilet. This toilet might just be smarter than you are, with Bluetooth music capability and hands-free “cleansing functionality.” And, if you want to make your grocery list or check the weather while seated on the throne (and you didn’t bring your smartphone like the rest of us), your smart toilet is Alexa-enabled. Because who doesn’t love a disembodied voice speaking to them while they’re going number two?

Smart litter box

You’re not the only one who deserves a smart toilet. Your cat deserves one too. The LavvieBot automatically scoops and refills litter, so it’s always ready to use — assuming the mechanism doesn’t frighten your cat so much that it stops going. But hey, a constipated kitty means there’s still no litter for you to clean up.

Glowing water bottle

The HidrateSpark water bottle glows to remind you to drink more water. And if a light-up bottle doesn’t get your attention, the app’s push notifications will. Setting reminders to drink more water and tracking your water intake are good ideas, but a $60 glowing bottle with Bluetooth to help you accomplish this? Not so much.

Smart shower head

Let’s head back into the bathroom and ask ourselves, “What would make my shower better?” If you answered Amazon’s Alexa, then you’re right! The folks at Kohler thought your talking toilet would be lonely, so they made a talking shower head to keep it company.

Smart umbrella

In theory, a trackable umbrella seems like a good idea. How many times have you left your umbrella behind at a bar or on the subway, never to be seen again? But if you spend about $70 for an umbrella, chances are you won’t be so careless. The oombrella can is trackable, sending you an alert when you’ve forgotten it somewhere. It also tells you when it’s about to rain, but like if you already have your umbrella out, then you’ve probably realized that it’s raining.

Smart salt shaker

Make adding salt to your food more fun (?) with a WiFi-enabled salt dispenser that plays music and gives off colored light. Because having a regular salt shaker and a speaker was too much work, right? And that shaking motion to put salt on your food was also too much work, which is why SMALT connects to an app on your phone…which you can shake to dispense salt. Oh and it has Alexa too, so if you forgot to ask your toilet the score of the Lakers game last night you can ask your salt shaker.

Smart kettle

Tech startups seem to think humans are laziest in the bathroom and the kitchen, as most useless IoT devices are for these rooms of your home. The smart kettle takes the hassle out of the arduous task of boiling water. With a tap of a button on your smartphone you can switch on your smart kettle from anywhere. But it doesn’t fill itself with water for you, so apparently you’ll just remember to do that on your way out the door.

Toilet paper bot

Getting stranded on the toilet without toilet paper is the worst, if you don’t have a smart toilet with hands-free cleansing, that is. Charmin is fixing this “problem” with a new toilet paper robot, RollBot. RollBot is a toilet paper dispenser on wheels that activates from an app on your smartphone — because you remembered to bring your phone with you but not to check for extra TP. Assuming you store your toilet paper somewhere other than the bathroom, this little bot will come rolling to your rescue (pun absolutely intended). And if you’re not very good at checking for toilet paper before plopping down on the throne then you probably won’t remember to load up the RollBot with an emergency roll, leaving you completely out of luck and rendering your toilet paper robot totally useless.

More smart, please. Less idiotic.

Now that we can connect almost anything to the Internet will we ever stop? It doesn’t seem likely, given how easy it apparently is to develop a ridiculous idea into a legitimate smart device.

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