Protect the Seniors in Your Life from Becoming Scam Victims

We don’t like to think about our loved ones being vulnerable. But often, our loved ones are more vulnerable than we think. Especially when it comes to scams, the expert manipulation of the criminal or the shame of being a victim can add to the challenge. If you have senior adults in your life, it’s important to know that they can be especially vulnerable. But you can help protect your elderly loved ones from scams by talking about it, raising awareness, and keeping your eyes open.

See Protecting Parents with Terri Proctor for a complete transcript of the Easy Prey podcast episode.

Terri Proctor is the founder of the nonprofit organization Stop Elderly Scams. She started the organization after her elderly mother got caught in a romance scam. While trying to get help, Terri realized how few resources and how little real help was out there. With Stop Elderly Scams, she aims to educate people and bring awareness to the issue and hopefully prevent some seniors from going through the same thing her mother is experiencing.

Terri, her Mother, and the Scammers

Terri’s elderly mother loves social media. She spends hours a day on Facebook posting and reading friends’ posts. Terri had no idea anything was wrong until she found out her mother was sending $300 in gift cards as a birthday gift. Her mother had never been one for big gifts – Terri would get $20 for birthdays, maybe $50 for Christmas – so she knew something was off. But her mother explained that it was for her boyfriend “James,” who worked on an oil rig.

Terri knew something was weird about the whole situation. Her mother kept telling stories about James and how he wanted to marry her. Terri didn’t really understand, but she thought the whole situation would blow over. Eventually, it did – her mother got angry at James for whatever reason. But she almost immediately met another oil rig worker, “Michael,” and that relationship got serious. Her mother lost around $100,000 to this scammer in a year.

Terri was trying to find answers and figure out what she should do. Everywhere she turned, there was lots of advice and no real solutions. The police said they couldn’t help. Over and over, people kept telling her that her mother was a willing participant instead of a victim of a crime.

In the beginning, Terri didn’t handle the situation very well because she didn’t understand. She got angry at her mother for not understanding that it was obviously a scam. After about a year and a half, she decided to change her outlook. It didn’t help protect her elderly mother from the scams. But it did help their relationship.

Why Elderly People Can be Vulnerable to Scams

Scammers often target people in particularly emotional times in their lives, such as the death of a spouse or friends, an illness, or other times that are emotionally fraught and their guards are down. This is what happened with Terri’s mom, too. Terri’s father had passed away about six years before. But as she had gotten older, a lot of her mom’s friends had passed away. She talked about those losses a lot.

In addition, she was lonely. She lives all by herself in a single-family home and can no longer drive. Her fun was getting on Facebook and talking to people. These scammers would call her “babe” and “honey” and tell her they loved her. They offered her a new life with promises of getting married and having a family again. That would look good to anyone.

On top of that, Terri’s mother has some cognitive decline, which has made her more gullible. And our parents’ and grandparents’ generations tended to be more trusting. They didn’t believe that people were out to harm them. The scammers would tell her mother that they needed Apple gift cards to buy a flight home, and her mother would believe them. When Terri tried to explain that you can’t buy an airline ticket with Apple gift cards, her mother wouldn’t believe her. It’s a combination of the scammers’ skill at manipulation and that her mother is vulnerable.

[The scammers] are very good at manipulating … it’s a big fight, honestly.

Terri Proctor

The Story Isn’t Over

It would be great if Terri’s mother’s story had a happy ending and could teach us ways to protect elderly people from scams. But the story isn’t over yet. It’s been going on for three years now, but she is still sending money to the scammers. Terri just recently had to go talk her out of taking out a fourth personal loan to send the money to this online boyfriend she’s never met.

Online comments are full of people saying horrible things about the scam victims. They will go on and on about how stupid and dumb they are for being taken in by it. But it’s hard to know the situation from the outside. When someone doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to, they want to believe the things the scammer is telling them. It’s not like the scammer showed up at the front door asking for $10,000. They’ve built up a relationship for months or even years. Of course they’ll send money to help their friend – wouldn’t you?

It’s hard to know the situation someone’s in when they don’t have a lot of people to talk to and here’s someone telling them things they want to believe.

Terri Proctor

When a scammer shows up telling you something you want to hear, it’s easy to overlook the red flags because you want it to be true. With Stop Elderly Scams, Terri wants to get the word out. People feel embarrassed that they were taken advantage of, so they don’t talk about it. Instead, Terri wants everyone to talk about it. Share stories you’ve heard or things you’ve experienced with others, including your parents. Awareness and reducing shame can help protect everyone, not just elderly people, from scams.

Conversations Can Protect Elderly People from Scams

When people realize they’ve been caught in a scam, they often want to keep it quiet. But having that conversation could save others. When Terri started researching statistics, she found that in 2023, people over 60 lost a combined $3.4 billion to scams. And that’s just what’s reported. The actual number is probably much, much higher.

Conversations can also help if you have a loved one going through a scam. Terri started out with a lot of anger and frustration at her mother. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t see what was so obvious to everyone else. Four different banks kicked her out because they didn’t want the liability, and friends, family, and neighbors stopped talking to her because they couldn’t deal with it.

If you can [remove] the anger and the frustration, it really helps the relationship with the family or friend going through that.

Terri Proctor

But anger just isolates the person and drives them closer to the scammer. Scammers know that friends and family often respond with anger and use that to isolate their target from people who could help. And the more isolated they get, the easier it is to manipulate them and the less people outside can see of what’s going on. Instead, Terri is now trying to listen and pick her battles. Nobody wants to see their loved one taken advantage of, but you can’t force someone to see it’s a scam. Even when you understand what’s going on, it’s frustrating. But it’s essential to remain as positive as you can and stick by them, even when you know they’re making a big mistake.

There Are Good People Out There

There is one financial institution that hasn’t kicked Terri’s mom out yet. They’re frustrated with the situation too, but they know it’s manipulation. They’re taking a different attitude than other banks because they want to protect their elderly customers from scams. Terri is working with them to do what they can. She has sat down with them to discuss the situation, and if she knows a particular scam is coming, she will let them know.

The grocery store her mother goes to has caught onto the scam, too. Terri found out the last time she went to visit her mother. The manager will no longer allow her mother to buy gift cards there anymore. When Terri went to thank her, she found out that the manager has a policy that if you received instructions from an email or text message to get a gift card, you can’t buy it at her store. And when she bans someone from buying gift cards, she also calls other nearby stores and warns them.

There are some people that are on to it and are looking out for people.

Terri Proctor

Protecting elderly people from scams is a constant battle. Some people are just out there to take advantage wherever they can. That includes the people who have given Terri’s mother personal loans to send money to the scammer at interest rates of 40% or more. But there are some people out there trying to help and protect people. Finding one of those is always a great thing.

Help Elderly People Avoid Isolation

Isolation and loneliness are huge vulnerabilities for scams, especially for romance scams and similar. Terri had hoped that by this point, her mother would consider an independent living facility. She lives in a house by herself and can’t drive, so it’s hard for her to see people. But she keeps thinking the scammers are going to come over, so she resists going anywhere else.

Reducing isolation could be a big step towards protecting elderly people from scams. But it can be a challenge because family and friends have to go to work, have their own families, and have their own lives. Terri has even considered hiring someone to text her mother every day to give her some attention. Reducing loneliness could be a good preventative measure, but once someone is caught in a scam, it may not help them get out. The scammer can give them attention all day long – it’s really hard for someone with their own life to compete with that.

It’s Not Just About Elderly People Protecting Themselves

Having conversations about scams, that they’re out there, and what to watch for can help elderly people protect themselves from scams. But past a certain point, there’s only so much they can do to protect themselves. It’s hard to keep up with all the new scams going on right now. Some of them are very convincing, even to Terri. And once cognitive decline enters the picture – even the normal, mild cognitive decline that comes with getting older – it gets even harder.

Suggesting moving to some sort of facility or taking some control of their finances can feel to parents like you’re threatening their independence. And if they’re already talking to a scammer, it may be the tipping point that inspires trust as they take it as proof that you don’t really love or trust them. Managing the situation without making them feel like you’re trying to take away their independence is difficult.

Terri recommends conversations. Tell them stories about people who were scammed. Encourage them to come to you if they feel like something is a little off. And if you’ve been scammed, talk about that. Start breaking through that same and embarrassment that makes many people keep these things secret.

Part of the conversation can be talking about real examples. Scams are out there and they’re going to happen to everyone. Bring up recent news stories, and emphasize that getting scammed has nothing to do with intelligence or mental capabilities. Talk about it in a way that’s not threatening to them.

It’s not just the elderly parent. They’re after people every day.

Terri Proctor

How Stop Elderly Scams Helps

Protecting elderly people from scams isn’t just an individual issue. Think about the stories of elderly people who lose their life savings to scammers. They end up needing Medicaid and other forms of social support to survive. How is that affecting our country? The situation needs to be addressed.

Terri launched Stop Elderly Scams and the website stopelderlyscams.com in March. Her goal is to educate and communicate. She has a newsletter that tells different stories every month of real elderly people’s experiences with scams. You are also welcome to talk to her if you want to talk to someone about your own experience.

Terri hopes that as the nonprofit grows, they will be able to give back to some of those people. Losing your life savings to a scam is devastating. She would love Stop Elderly Scams to be able to help people get back on their feet. In the meantime, research and have those conversations. There are a lot of lonely elderly people out there. Talk to them, go to dinner, encourage them to get out and do things. These little things can make a big difference in people’s lives.

Learn more about Terri Proctor and Stop Elderly Scams at stopelderlyscams.com.